drinking out of a sandbucket again
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You were trust falling into bushes
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
