I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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