Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
