My first STD was from a foam party
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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