I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
