I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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