I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize