is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
