you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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