Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
