It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
