omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
