im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
