dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
