I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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