I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
