She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
