I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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