You can't motorboat a personality
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
