Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
