I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
