I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
