If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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