after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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