Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Randomize
