I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
