why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
