Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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