Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
