i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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