So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
