loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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