then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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