Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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