i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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