well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
