Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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