Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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