I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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