apparently the secret to your success is patron
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
