and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
