so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
