You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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