nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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