Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
