DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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