oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
