my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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