I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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