i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
