people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
