hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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