I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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