This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
from now on my penis is your penis
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
this will be a night to untag.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
