Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
