haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize