I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
