Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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