he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
