She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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