so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
