she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
