the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
