Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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