So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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