I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
