Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
