I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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