I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
