I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
