We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
