love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize