Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
