if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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