dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
