No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
