I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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