I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
