Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Please don't give away my fajitas
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
