it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
