We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
