Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
