But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Moan for me like Helen Keller
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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