Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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