The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
