you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
