FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
