it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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