Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
