He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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