clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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