loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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