I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
